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Sunday, 07 November 2010 02:00

Ghost? Yes.

By  Richard De Nooy
J.R. Deo: "So?"
Richard de Nooy: "So what?"
Deo: "How are sales?"
RdN: "No idea."
Deo: "This is my fckn pension we're talking about."
RdN: "As if you're going to live that long."
Deo: "True. But I'd still like to know."
RdN: "The publisher doesn't tell me these things."
Deo: "Well fckn ask him then."
RdN: "I'm not like you."
Deo: "Aint that the truth."
RdN: "I'll ask, okay?"
Deo: "Still pissed off about that review?"
RdN: "Kinda."
Deo: "Who is this Henderson? Does he need fixing?"
RdN: "Just leave it, okay?"
Deo: "There are guys in here who make Charles Manson look like Mr. Bean with a beard. And they get released all the time. With empty pockets..."
RdN: "The damage is done. And you can't go around threatening every reviewer who says you write like a jackhammer."
Deo: "Is that a bad thing? The jackhammer."
RdN: "Yes. Yes it is. You write like a jackhammer. I write... fckn prose or whatever. Not like a jackhammer."
Deo: "Perhaps he can be convinced to interview you?"
RdN: "No one really gives a shit."
Deo: "About?"
RdN: "Homosexuals.
Deo: "But poofs are fun and interesting."
RdN: "You're not supposed to call them poofs."
Deo: "Not even if you care about them a whole lot more than people who would never call them poofs but don't actually give a shit?"
RdN: "Not even then."
Deo: "Are you telling me no one has asked you why a hot-stompin' hetero like yourself has written a book about the gay scene?"
RdN: "They did ask. On the radio."
Deo: "Who listens to the fckn radio? You need to be on TV. You should be sharing this with the world!"
RdN: "Like I said: no one gives a shit. I told you this when we started."
Deo: "I'm sure they'd give a shit if people were beating up blond chicks in the street. Or threatening to throw Nigerians off the highest tower."
RdN: "True. But most people still think homosexuality is a choice. Like they have it coming."
Deo: "But that's the whole point of the fckn book. No one in their right mind would go through all that shit and still 'choose' to be gay."
RdN: "We know this, but most other people just don't give a shit. They think gays get what they deserve."
Deo: "That's bullshit! What do gays think?"
RdN: "About?"
Deo: "The book, you idiot."
RdN: "Gay.nl has it at the top of their autumn recommendations. But judging by the comments, most gays don't want to be told to read books about gays. And the book wasn't supposed to be for gays only, remember? The whole idea was to get straight people thinking."
Deo: "And are they thinking?"
RdN: "Of course not. I warned you about this when we started. Dutch people think they're extremely tolerant because they let gay people parade around on boats once a year. Once the book gets that big GAY label slapped on it, straight people think it's not their cup of tea."
Deo: "That's fckn absurd. Straight people need to stop looking the other way when vulnerable people are getting beaten up on their streets."
RdN: "Really, dude, people just don't give a shit. Mainly straight men."
Deo: "But they're the ones who should be protecting poofs."
RdN: "We know this, but most people just don't care. And I doubt whether gay men want to be seen as vulnerable. And I certainly don't think they want to be surrounded by bodyguards whenever they go out in the street."
Deo: "They need their arses kicked."
RdN: "Who?"
Deo: "Everyone who turns a blind eye, arsehole."
RdN: "We're going around in circles."
Deo: "Maybe we should just interview each other."
RdN: "What would be the point?"
Deo: "To ask the questions other people should be asking. Like journalists."
RdN: "And then?"
Deo: "Jesus, do I have to do all the thinking?"
RdN: "Maybe we could publish it in ITCH."
Deo: "What the fck is ITCH?"
RdN: "It's an online magazine."
Deo: "What? It should be in the New York Times!"
RdN: "Jesus, you really are delusional."
Deo: "I'm the Dalai Lama compared to some of the fruitcakes in here."
RdN: "I find that hard to believe."
Deo: "So, ITCH it is then."
RdN: "If we're lucky."
Deo: "Why?"
RdN: "The theme for this edition is :)"
Deo: "Is what?"
RdN: ":)"
Deo: "What the fck is that?"
RdN: "A smiley face emoticon."
Deo: "Fck that."
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